


Put On a Show

by Lav



Category: Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mutual Pining, RPF, i write fanfic now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16618376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lav/pseuds/Lav
Summary: Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss have been separated for a year. Karlie's PR team tells her she needs to attend at least one show on Taylor's Reputation tour. She shows up in Nashville with a nervous smile and a plan.





	1. Chapter 1

Karlie doesn't bite her nails anymore- she hasn't since she was 14- but she finds herself sitting on her hands just in case.

"Since Taylor won't come to your wedding, you have to attend one of her shows," Scooter says. Her manager is usually distracted during their meetings but right now he's making eye contact. Karlie regrets complaining that he was always preoccupied with another client when they had scheduled meetings. What she wouldn't do for some insane Bieber drama to be unfolding right now instead of... this.

"I can't," she says. "Taylor doesn't want to see me."

"Taylor doesn't want to be outed." He frowns. "You know what it's going to look like if you don't go to any of her shows and she doesn't make an appearance at your wedding. The media is already spinning out of control about whether you're feuding and articles about a Kaylor breakup have been surfacing."

Karlie knew he was right. They both had public patterns of intense female friendships that burned bright and beautiful for a time and then suddenly ended with no explanation. Friendships were enduring, or at least rekindled once a year at brunch or a big event, and it was difficult to make a painful breakup look like two platonic friends growing apart because of time and distance. Karlie was better at sweet social media posts and sugary smiles with her exes- probably because she had always been good at staying friends with the girls she slept with. She would send carnations with an inside joke or run up to them at a party and throw her arms around them and giggle when they looked surprised. It was hard to hold a grudge against Karlie Kloss. But of course, she had emotionally destroyed the one girl who was hardwired to hold a grudge. Taylor Swift did not stay friends with her exes.

Taylor loved harder than anyone Karlie had ever met. She was all in from the first baking session in Karlie's New York City apartment where Taylor sat on the kitchen counter and they shared their first kiss, lips sticky with chocolate and brown sugar, and then danced around the kitchen in the refrigerator light. Karlie could still hear Taylor saying, "I hope we fall madly, deeply in love." Karlie had laughed because she was young and didn't know the girl next to her would become her everything faster than she could comprehend. 

The flip side of how hot Taylor burned when she was happy was how cold her disappointment felt. Karlie used to envy Taylor's ability to completely detach from people who had once meant everything to her. Until that person was her. 

Taylor had taken down all of their Polaroids in front of her. Karlie sat on the couch with her legs crossed while Taylor ripped photos off the wall and threw them into a shoebox. She grabbed a Sharpie and glared at Karlie while she wrote,"Breakup Song Writing Material", on the lid. "Anything else I should put in here?" Taylor said. "The necklace I gave you? _My_ cookie recipe that you ruined with your lipstick?" Karlie told her she was being ridiculous. Taylor went into her bedroom and locked the door. She never came out, so Karlie left. Taylor stopped responding to her texts and voicemails. Karlie stopped trying. 

"So I go to her show and then what?" Karlie asks. "We take a selfie and I say something about how we're still best friends and then we don't see each other until I'm married to someone else. And she's still not at my wedding. And we're still not friends. She's going to come out eventually, I don't know why I need to pretend for one night so some teenagers won't post on Tumblr about how the only reason we haven't talked is because we had a passionate love affair."

Scooter rolls his eyes. "You're going. I'm sorry, but Taylor Swift is still a huge part of your brand. Your social media engagement numbers are dropping. Being seen with Taylor will get you some buzz."

Karlie slams her hand down on the table. "This isn't a game, this is my life!" She immediately regrets her outburst but doesn't apologize.

Scooter isn't phased. "Which show do you want to attend? LA might be fun."

The thing is, Karlie misses her. She misses the way Taylor looked at her in the morning when her skin was splotchy and her eyes were tired. She misses Taylor's smirk when they would hold hands in public and look directly into the cameras. She misses how it felt to know that the most beautiful, talented girl thought she was sunshine. When Taylor's music plays in public, Karlie's hands shake. She watches the videos of Taylor on the B-stage and she knows some of the old songs she sings for her fans are tearing her apart. She still wants to hold her while she cries about the girls who came before her and tell her everything is going to be alright.

Karlie knows if she doesn't end the meeting soon she'll break down crying, and she's never been the one who loses control of her emotions in front of people. She takes a deep breath. "I'll go to Nashville," she says.

Scooter nods and adds the date to her calendar.

When Karlie gets back to her apartment, she pulls up Taylor's contact and stares at it for a good twenty minutes before she makes a call. Her heart is pounding as the phone rings and when it goes to voicemail, her heart drops. She can't tell if she's relieved or disappointed. 

She holds the phone away from her ear and covers the speaker so she doesn't have to listen to Taylor's voicemail message. 

"Hi," she says, softly. "It's me. Um, I know you don't want to hear from me but I wanted to tell you before your team tells you. I'm coming to your Nashville show. If you don't want to see me, I'll just be photographed there and I'll leave right away. But if you want me backstage, let me know, okay?" She hangs up before she starts saying stupid things like, "I miss you" or "I'm never going to stop loving you." 


	2. Chapter 2

“If you want me backstage let me know, okay?” Karlie’s voice echoes in Taylor’s hotel room. She almost hits 1 to replay the message but Camila grabs her phone and slides it into her pocket. 

“You need to stop listening to that,” she says. 

Taylor frowns. “You need to give me back my phone and go back to your room.” 

“Okay, Mom.” Camila laughs and pokes Taylor’s shoulder until she’s laughing too. 

Post-show Taylor Swift is more often stressed than playful, but she wants Camila to have her Stadium Tour Slumber Party dream. She takes a breath and reminds herself what it felt like to be 21 and giddy after giving away a huge piece of her heart and soul to thousands of people under stage lights. Lately she wants to keep what’s left of her heart to herself, but if she closes her eyes on stage she can remember how it felt to sing her songs to a crowd during her first few tours.   
Taylor hesitates. She knows the young woman sitting beside her knows how it feels to hide but she doesn’t think Camila quite understands the weight of being completely vulnerable and somehow entirely dishonest at the same time. There’s a reason most of her songs have such high production values. She knows the fans love the theatrics and so does she but hiding behind props and lights makes her feel safe. She likes to control her narrative, for the most part. 

Taylor decided to sing older songs close to the crowd on the B-stage at the beginning of her tour because she wants people to see her. Briefly. She wants to remember she’s still a girl with a guitar and a diary full of songs. One song a night is enough of that feeling. Sometimes it’s too much. 

She decides to ask her question. “Do you ever feel like blowing it all up? Saying fuck it and going onstage and telling them exactly who you are?” 

Camila scoots closer to Taylor and leans her head on her shoulder. “Of course,” Camila says. “But I know it’s all going to be worth it in the end, yeah? This is my dream, you know?” 

“I know,” Taylor says. She puts her arm around Camila, and squeezes her tight. Taylor always wanted a sister. But she sometimes wonders if she surrounds herself by driven young artists so she can feel like an older sister or if it’s because she needed someone to sit next to her and tell her it was okay to be terrified of fame and everything that came with it. 

Taylor sighs. She lets go of Camila and stands up. She heads to the bathroom and washes the makeup off her face. “I’ve been so tired lately,” she says through the bathroom door. “And I miss my cats.” 

“You are the cutest old lady I’ve ever met,” Camila says. She walks over to the bathroom and hands Taylor her phone. “Get some sleep, okay? Don’t worry about her too much tonight.” 

“Easier said than done.” Taylor sets her phone down and tries to smile. “Night."

Camila waves with her fingers and walks out the door. 

Taylor waits to hear the click of the door latching and plays the voicemail message again. 

She brushes her teeth and hear Karlie’s voice in her head repeating like a chorus, “If you want me backstage, let me know.” There’s a song there somewhere. There’s always the potential for a wonderful, magical, heartbreaking song when it comes to Karlie. 

She still doesn’t understand what happened. She thought they were unbreakable. They survived a year of hiding from the paparazzi, all of Taylor’s beards, and Karlie’s hatred of being apart for more than a few days at a time. They should’ve been able to make it through anything. 

They were fighting about Taylor’s media blackout. Or maybe they were fighting about Josh, for the millionth time. They could’ve been fighting about whose turn it was to cook dinner, if Taylor’s being honest with herself. Their fights weren’t always about contracts and fame. Sometimes they were just tired and grumpy and frayed. She tries to remember what they had been bickering about when Karlie slammed the door and locked Taylor out of her own room. She doesn’t know what she said to make Karlie so upset. All she knows is that before the door closed, there was a chance to fix it and after, it all spun out of control too quickly. 

She remembers sobbing on her couch for what felt like hours before Karlie came out. She remembers trying to take Karlie’s hand, trying to say how sorry she was. 

Karlie said something like, “You’re the most high maintenance person I’ve ever met.” 

Taylor tried to make it into a joke. “I’m a mess, but the mess you wanted, right?” 

Karlie shook her head. “I don’t have time to do this right now, Taylor. I have a shoot early tomorrow and we’re releasing a new Klossy video. I’ve been so distracted lately. I don’t have time to be distracted.” 

And then Taylor said something like, “Oh, so I’m a distraction from the important things in your life. I see.” 

She wants to go back and change it. She doesn’t know what the last straw was. She doesn’t know what she should have done differently. But she would do it. She would do anything for that girl. Still, and always. 

She wants to call Karlie and tell her of course she wants her backstage. She wants to tell the love of her life that she needs her backstage during every show, that she needs her in their bed, she needs her every second of every day. Instead she sends a text message that says, “Would love to see you in Nashville. Hope you’re doing well.” 

She doesn’t cry herself to sleep, but she does order a shitty room service martini and downs it before turning out the lights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I'm doing the girls (and Camila) justice! Let me know what y'all think. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I haven't written any fan fiction in ages but I have been on a long Kaylor kick and I finally hit my breaking point so... here's a fic that's been rattling around in my brain. I'm terrible and love angst so I apologize in advance. Let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from you.


End file.
